I still remember this day like it was yesterday. The 2nd of August 2017 was a sunny day and we just came back from Greece.
After an afternoon of shopping I felt so excited and just so happy being a mommy and wife. I felt such happiness that I just couldn’t wait until there would be a second child. I told this to my ex-husband and his response was that he thought, we had such big problems, that he wasn’t sure we could stay together. So for sure there will be no second child.
It was just such a shock, I was thinking about a second baby and he about a divorce….
I thought we were living a fairy tale on a beautiful farm with cats, dog, chickens and a few deers. A garden with a swimming pool and big enough for Zoë to play in. We both have jobs we like, two cars, and the most important a little babygirl.
Why wasn’t this enough?
So after this fight it only got worse. Weeks of fighting and crying started. I wanted him to do something, to say something that showed he loved me and my little Zoë, but there was no act of love. He gave up on us.
Then my denial part started…
I couldn’t really believe that being married just over a year and with a little girl of five months could just mean nothing to him. I really believed we could overcome anything. But this was not the reality. The reality was that he really just didn’t care. However I kept hoping for a miracle until September.
Naïve when I think about it now, but denial messed my brain up.
In September last year we got in another big fight and I decided to go away with Zoë to my parents to calm down. After days of crying I wanted to come back home, but he didn’t allow us. I actually begged him to let us come home. I still can’t I put myself so down, apparently you do crazy things for love.
After a few days at my parents I figured out that he set up a meeting with a lawyer behind my back. How was it possible, that the person I loved and trusted, lied to me? But yet he really did.
However even after this I still had hope and in October I decided to text him that we would be coming home. This actually never took place as he denied us to come back home. He did so through his lawyer.
So there it was, the hard reality. A husband who put his babygirl and wife on the street. There was no hope anymore, I couldn’t deny it anymore. I was getting divorced… I was becoming a single mom…
As always I will end with a quote; ‘finally giving in to a divorce is not a failure, it is an acknowledgement that you know what true love is’.